only this time i really mean it. Maybe i've avoided this page because it brings back so many interesting memories...maybe its because i've changed.
maybe i was too lazy. whatever the reason, i never came back...but i think i'm going to try now. at least try.

and do it with Heart...because if you put your heart into it, then it will definitely mean something.

First off, i must thank Thai and Aquagirl for continuing to read my poetry...as repetitive in its ideas they are. But i'm glad you care to come still...

Somehow I manage to put myself on a familiar boat ride, never realizing i'm purchasing the same ticket each time I do so. I guess I'll never reach the Island. The Island in my mind is one in which everything Sacred manifests itself in the best way possible. Where I can have the one thing that I truly, with the bottom of my heart, desire.

The Island, my friends, does not exist. It is a figment of your Imagination...

then again, some would just say I'm being bitter...again.

Jonathan Z.

...I really took quite a bit of time to return to the website. My absense has no excuse, I simply stopped bothering to come. Why, some of you ask? is it because I have no inspiration? Is it because I have the inspiration and am just not willing to use it?...no...none of those things.

Sadly I have abandoned this website, because it seems that the people that made this website special for me have abandoned me, including people who dont even have an account here. Those would be my friends that have sadly left me, in one shape or form.

...I have changed very much since I last visited this site. Last time I visited, I complained about my lack of a companion. All that has changed since...still no companion, but I seem to have accepted the fact that it shall be a while before I am graced by the wonderful prescence of a young woman at my side...

the madness never stops, and neither does mine...

so perhaps, you may expect some sort of artistic creation by me in the near future...but dont keep your hopes up.

Viele danke, und viele lieben,
Jonathan Z.

My choice of movie is Revenge of the Sith...i'm starting to feel like Anakin...i'm ready to rebel and go against everyone...

Mood: Im ready, Depression
Listening to: "Again I Go Unnoticed"
Reading: Dune
Watching: Revenge of the Sith

So first off before anything at all...I just want to thank DeviantART for the subscription, though I must say I am very undeserving of this...but the trial for it is swell, and I am in gratitude for it.

So i have submitted stuff recently...and just...yea...school sucks...and I'm getting used to having my heart broken...oh well though, right? It is what gives me inspiration and keeps you all interested!! *laughs hysterically, almost maniacally* I find myself writing about the same things in this journal though...so I wont bore you...I'm only writing here because i am attempting to take advantage of this subscription...

woot woot!!! Saturdays are SAT IIs!!! yayyy...not T_T...but a high note...Saturday night, I am going to an LA Galaxy game...which is totally gonna kick booty, cause they're gonna woop the Metrostar's asses!! yesssss...I am a big footy fan...so yea...i love you all dearly...be safe...

Revenge is a meal, best served cold...and my choice i wish i didn't get to make was the choice to make choices...

welcome to my world...

so yes...since November...well, you'd be suprised the shit i've been through and the shit i've put people through. Yet nobody seems to understand...but I do not trouble myself with that too much, because they are not me. Yet what troubles me most...no...that isn't simply it either. I have not submitted here for a while...because I feel as though i would simply be saying the same thoughts again...though I must say, they repeat overwhelmingly rapid, and/or similarly. I find myself listening yet again to Dashboard, and For You to Notice and Again I Go Unnoticed are songs that seem to be best to listen to. *sighs heavily* I hate my english teacher, she has seriously ruined my life in more ways than one...but whatever...everyone will tell me its my fault anyways, and in a sense...it is more my fault than I would like to admit...oh well. It seems to me that everyone of my friends has ditched this page...and it makes me sad, because I almost feel it is reflective of what has occured in my real life...help...is something I try to provide...always the friend, no? Well its getting old...but I "can brend and not break, or I can break and take it with a smile..."

thats how I see it. Thats how it is happening...out of my control again, punishment again...either way, it is of irrelevant value...cause in the end...i have to be happy again...right?

I guess that is the single most inspiring, yet single most destructive power that the human mind has...to hope.

the only choice we can't make is whether or not to make choices...cause even if we decided not to make any choices, we just made a choice then...so its a giant paradox no one can escape...just like hope...humans shall always have hope, and I shall be one victim to that. And perhaps I shall succumb, perhaps i shall overcome...but the first seems more likely. I wont do what I did back when I poured my heart out onto this screen, because I lost friends last time I did that, and lost other things as well...so I shall refrain and spare you all of that.

Time is all I need but it seems to be the most unlimited resource on this planet that cannot be replaced...interesting though, do you not agree? I tried time again...but it betrayed me yet again...if God has a sense of humor, i have yet to find it, or at least i find it more troublesome than funny.

What is wrong with me? seriously, tell me my one greatest flaw that screws me over? Tell me the one thing you hate about me the most...maybe I can change...maybe not. Either way...I want to know why this continually happens to me...maybe God shall show me in my dreams or in signs...soon I shall know.

sleep well all of you...I love you all dearly...I'll always be here for you...but somehow that isn't enough, being nice, is it?

Jonathan Z.